Letter to Blaze

This is the letter I wrote and read to Blaze the day of his services... still how I feel

Dear Blaze,
I've waited my entire life to meet you. I want you to know how grateful I am you came to our family. The last few weeks have completely changed your dad and I we are different now than we were then. You have shown or given I should say us a whole new level of love. The first time I saw you I knew I would never be the same. We didn't have you name picked out as you came so soon but after meeting you & having your sweet nurses ask us what your name was they loved the name Blaze and said it sounded like a superhero. So we decided to name you Blaze because you are our little hero and Lyle is your middle name because your Great Grandpa is a hero like you.
As we watched your little body struggle & fight each day we wished we could take your pain away. If I would have known your stay on earth would not be very long I never would have left your side. I just keep thinking about you being life flighted and how hard it was on you please know we tried our very best to do all we could do. I'm sorry for all you had to go thru. Each life you've touched in just one week shows us a glimpse of just how special you are. We are all different people because of you and because of your giant spirit!
You body was the smallest thing I have ever seen, perfect in every way. I will never forget your tiny little fingers that held ours so tight. Your perfect little face with your daddys nose. Your perfect feet and perfect toes. The first time I held you in my arms was the greatest moment of my life the hours we spent holding you were among some of the most precious and sacred cherished moments of my life.
I don't know what to say in just a few minutes that I wish I had a life time to teach. My heart is broken into what seems like a million pieces the physical pain is at times more than I feel I can bear. The only comfort I find is in your spirit. There are so many things I wish I could tell you my heart longs to be by your side, watching you in your bed and most of all holding you in my arms telling you it will all be ok.
Your Daddy gave me a blessing just before you were born in the blessing I was told this is all a part of Gods plan and to "Be still and know that God" I have heard this phrase several times over the last few days & want you to know that I am trying to do just that. I am trying as my faith is tested so strongly to put my trust in him to understand the atonement more fully and to know that this is all in his plan. I don't understand it now but hope that one day soon we will.

So perhaps the greatest thing I can tell you is I love you! I always have and I always will! Thank You for coming to our family Blaze. Thank You for helping me to remember what is important in this life and Thank You for allowing us the opportunity to know you and to love you. I can hardly wait for eternity! We hope you'll be close in quite moments and those of need. We miss you and we Love you!

I Love You peanut!

Love Mommy