Share

It has been a week since we went to our first SHARE meeting... SHARE is a group of women who have lost their children and get together to help others make it thru this heart wrenching process. I have been struggling with serious depression and a lot of doubts and mixed feelings. August has been the hardest month yet knowing we should be just two weeks away from having Blaze... Anyway at the Share meeting there were 6 of us... 4 Women and 2 Men I was glad there was another Man there so Ray wasn't the only one.
The meeting was good everyone shared their stories and experiences of preterm labor, miscarriage, and complications in early pregnancy. The first few minutes I thought this is exactly what I need.... then about 10 minutes into it I though this is so depressing... What a heart breaking situation for all of us to have to meet each other this way. It made me grateful for a few things of all the parents there we were the ones to have our baby live the longest... It made me grateful that we got to have him for a week... I am grateful that he looked healthy and we were able to hold him for a few hours.
Life is harder than it has ever been, getting out of bed is a struggle everyday and not one moment ever goes by that I don't think about Blaze. What a miracle it is to have a full term pregnancy. One woman (the leader) Said she lost her first and miscarried her 2nd and her 3rd she delivered at 30 weeks... then finally on her 4th she carried full term. She said she was grateful for every stretch mark and uncomfortable moment because she understood the miracle of being able to carry full term. I hope I am like that if we get the chance to be parents again.. I want to enjoy every moment it takes to get a little miracle here healthy.
I am grateful for Share to know we are not the only ones going thru this awful experience I am so very sad that others have to endure it as well. I am grateful we are not alone but wish we were able to meet these amazing people in different circumstance. We will go again next week anything that can help we will try. I am grateful Ray is willing to go with me at this fragile point in our lives he really has been my Rock.