My heart is overwhelmed today... the truth of the matter is most days I don't want to get out of bed I miss Blaze so much! Every night I lay in bed and think about the events of our pregnancy, the hospital, only being able to touch our one pound little boy thru an incubator or hold our hold his tiny little body for a few hours before he passed from this life... I relive each week of pregnancy what I was doing last year at this time and how things might be different for our little family. The truth is I am having a really hard time today. It seems everywhere I look there are pregnant women or new mothers and I find myself constantly thinking... if only they knew what a miracle both sides are... to be pregnant and to deliver a healthy child full term. I would give ANYTHING to have Blaze here and we would give ANYTHING to be pregnant so easily without thousands of dollars hoping each procedure works and test after test some painful, some embarrassing, some just heart wrenching hoping this month will be the one that we can add to our family.
The whole point of this post... to get a few things off my chest. But mostly to tell my little boy I am trying... I am trying to be a good Mom from this side of the veil. I have to remind myself that I am a Mom I just don't get to hold my little one and do all the things that Moms take for granted that being said I am still a Mom and today I miss my little angel so much!
So to Blaze I miss you more than ever and I Love You with my whole heart!!
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I'm so sorry about your tender aching heart. It truly does HURT. It's tough to be a "missionary" mom the way we are. We are in our own catagory it seems. And here we are, pushing through!! Minute by minute...
ReplyDeleteI sure love you. xoxoxo
I found your blog off a friend's friend's blog, and just wanted to tell you I am sorry you are hurting. It really is hard, and I have felt all those feelings you are feeling. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know there are good days and bad ones, and I hope you have a good one very soon
ReplyDeleteoops, I apologize for the family pic in my blog profile. I know on a bad day that is a little hard to take. We went through a lot to get that little guy here, and I guess I am a little proud of him. Hang in there, it will happen somehow, and just remember you are already a mother, even if others don't always see it
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