Monday, November 2, 2009

Finally writing!

Ok so I know this blog is suppost to be me and my sisters, but I am not so good at writing- Well today is the day. It has been 6 years since we buried our little girl. I was 6 months pregnant with her and to make a very long story short, My water broke and she didn't quite make it. It was for sure the hardest day and has been still of my life. I relive it quite often and think of her daily. We have found joy in teaching our kids about her though and visiting her grave. She was only 11 oz, and about 7 inches long. She was so small but filled the room with her spirit, and still fills our hearts. I remember that day like it was yesterday, and it was very hard to have had her and to know that there was nothing else we could have done or the doctors, and to just hold her little lifeless body for the entire day. We had her at 8:30 am and did not give her back to the nurses until 10 pm. I know that a lot of people would choose to live there wedding days over, and that is the day in my life I would live over. It was the hardest, most emotionally draining day I have ever had, but I would love just one more day with her. Her spirit in the room was amazing. I know we just held her in the bed and balled histerically for hours, but her spirit was overwhelming, and we very much could fill her in the room with us. For the last 6 years our family has definetly grew and changed and life has for sure gotten busier, but regardless of where life takes us- she will always be in our hearts and home. It is a little harder this time of year cause her birthday is in december, but we always get through it. I know me and my sister experienced very similar stories. We lost our kids just a week apart. I was only 1 week farther along than her when I delivered. I always wondered why I had to go through this first in my family. Why I had to be the one to had to bury a child, to love and loose, and to fill like the only ones existing were me and mike, and to not want to exist anymore. I never knew that at 20 years old I would have to pay for burial plots, and plan funerals, but now 6 years later- I know why- I know it happened to me first so that I could help other especially Janet go on every day knowing you will somehow get through it, and hoping your sleep is a little longer that night so that tomorrow will come later than you want or than your ready for. It is the hardest thing ever to bury a child, but I know now that atleast I have something to die for! We love ya babe!!!

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